Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

she had been the one.. but its time to let go... goodbye the one i truely loved... may u find ur happiness in him :) i'll find mine someday....

another day at east coast!!

i think east coast is the place that i frequent the most this holidays!! whahaha... just went back there yesterday for class bbq....

the day started out with blading with waiying... it was suppose to b more people, but guess everyone was bz with the celebrations... whahaha... didn't really get to blade much, think no slp and blading don't really go... :P was kinda tired... but it was great to have a tok with wy... tok about life and such, and how things have changed for me these few years... hmmz, i guess i really want to know wat i'm doing with my life... well, we shall just see how things unfold before me ba....

went for lunch at parkway and waited for the rest to arrive to get the drinks and watnots for the bbq.... think i like to shop for bbq!! whahaha... love to pile stuff into the trolley and walk around the supermarket looking at stuff... it is quite fun... :P well, we did buy everything tat we were suppose to... everything but the things needed for games!! -kicks me self in the head- super forgetful le... hmmz, how can i change that man....

so off we went to the beach, game-less... they ended play captain's ball and were more willing to slack after awhile... whahahaha... somehow, when u get older, we tend to want to slack more.... another process of aging!!! :P started bbq, the food was good! yum yum... many kudos to siti and the bunch of people who prepared the food and the people who helped get them cooked! all i did was to sit back and relax while eating... whahahaha :P

had a great time, its been long since i had a bbq... maybe i should organise more!! whahahaha... more nice chao-ta food!!

was looking at her from time to time last nite... i think she has changed quite abit.... no longer do i get that nice tingling feeling when i look at her, or neither can i just keep looking at her like i did before... she is no longer the person i fell in love with... mayb now its easier to let go... it also didn't hurt that much to see the two of them together... yes, i must admit, that i didn't really look into their direction much... but when i do, it was not all tat bad... i guess i just have to get used to seeing that ba... i shall be a gentleman and treat them like any other friends that i have :) well, afterall, i did make the effort to go say hi to him and made small tok! whahaha... well, she didn't really bother to speak to me though, just to ask questions and stuff... guess it might just be that way if she wants it to be ba....

going to read book le.. think will just pop by to school tml... whahaha....

quite a friday nite...

spent the whole day at east coast yesterday.... been blading in the morning and chalet-ing the whole evening and nite away... was weixin's 21st b'day.... well, pre-birthday celebrations... not too bad... quite a handful of familiar people turned up... had fun just toking and doing nothing...

hmmz... i just wonder, where did i go wrong...

X-MEN III- The last stand

just watched it... not too bad... but the front was kinda too draggy and the end was too rushed... got a feel sad parts in the storyline too... people that u don't expect to die end up dead... but the worse was cyclopes role la... sighz... wat an ending to such a great character.... got to see many more different mutants this time round... quite cool, especially angel... wonder wats it like to have wings...??

this time round the effects also not as good as the 2nd on... therefore i declare the 2nd one as the better of the 3 X-men movies... whahaha... but think its really quite different from the 2nd one...

but then strom looks damn good in this movie... not that she looked bad in the first too, but this one really made her look good!! whahaha.. she is now the woman of my dreams!! my godess!! whahaha....

a great nite!

had a great day yesterday!! whahaha... hope its like that till the end of the holis...

when for a swim in the morning... i swam 1.5km!! yeah!! thats 30 laps of the freaking pool!! hahaha... its a great time to be thinking about stuff when u are in the pool... everything around u is quiet and peaceful, all u hear is ur own breathing and strokes in the water... and thinking about stuff while swimming helps the laps pass faster too! kinda got bored during the 28th lap though... so i starting counting the amount of strokes needed to swim a lap!! told u i was bored... hahaha... but it was a great work out... if only the pool has concession for students, i would go there everyday man! but i have to pay a buck to get in!! sighz... thinking of making full use of the school pool when clinicals start... since its so near... mayb i would just do that.... :)

had mahjong session at meixuan's place yesterday!! super fun la... we played from like 10pm last nite to 8 am this morning... its great to hang out and tok nonsense them.... whahaha.. but think the snacking part was damn sinful!! whahahah... hope the 30 laps was enuff to cover for all the fats put on....

slpt just four hours just now... but still quite wide awake now... going for movie sessions soon with teng! yeah!!

still miss her... but think its getting better... is tat really good?!

results..... the one thing u don't look forward to....

results are out... stayed up last nite waiting for it to come.... not too bad, i must say... kinda expected worse... with the effort that i put in this sem, its kinda surprising what i got... well, many thanks to the group members for their help in the projects, think that was mainly wat help to lift up the grades... GPA still stuck around 3.2, when will it ever go up!! hahaha... new resolution for year 3, to bring GPA up to at least 3.4.... that means have to work like shit this coming year, but i guess its worth it... at least it will help me gurantee a place in sydney uni... kinda can't wait to get there to study, but think plans might have to be changed afterall... we shall see when the time comes ba...

saw this on my junior's blog, a song that says it all for me...

Blind

I was young but I wasn’t naive

I watched helpless as she turned around to leave

And still I have the pain I have to carry

A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried
After all this timeI never thought we’d be here

Never thought we’d be here

When my love for you was blind

But I couldn’t make you see it

Couldn’t make you see it

That I loved you more than you’ll ever know

A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep

Only in hopes of dreaming

That everything would be like is was before

But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting

They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor
After all this timeI never thought we’d be here

Never thought we’d be here

When my love for you was blind

But I couldn’t make you see it

Couldn’t make you see it

That I loved you more than you’ll ever know

A part of me died when I let you go

After all this time

Would you ever wanna leave it

Maybe you could not believe it

That my love for you was blind

But I couldn’t make you see it

Couldn’t make you see it

That I loved you more than you will ever know

A part of me died when I let you go

And I loved you more than you’ll ever know

A part of me dies when I let you go

well, i guess in life, u never always get wat u want... but maybe if u try hard enuff, u will get what u need.... just want someone to be there to lean on at times... just have to wait i suppose...

waiting...

waiting........

waiting...........

waiting.................

a life chaging moment....

have u ever had that moment in life that u were struck by a tot that can change things or at least the way life is for u now? think i just had mine just now....

life is as such... but then it really all depends on how u see life and how much u are willing to let it affect u... we are all but humans and we have feelings... but its wat we do with those feelings and tots that we have that makes life different...

its wat u believe in that matters... no one can force u to see things the way that they see it... we all see things differently, its wat sets us apart from one another... sure, there will be similarity, but at the end of the day, we are still different individuals, living individual lives.... we are also responsible for our own lives... not others... so y are we so caught up at times over how others should live their lives when we can't even handle our own well? is tat like not adding burdens onto one self? so i've decided, that i'm going to live life to the best there can be, i mean, it can't get better than that rite? and i'm going to live life with wat every decisions that i've made and be responsible for it... and to see tings in a better light, life is already miserable as it is, its really up to me to make things better....

and the past is the past... yes, we did have a great time together, and it will now make up good memories that we can look back on... things have to move on, as things always do in life... so its time to pack up the past and to look forward to the future... COME WHAT MAY!!

life is changing for the better.... i will make it so.....

arghz... the works of nature!!

sighz.... slacking the whole day... wanted to go swim this morning, but the sky was all cloudy and dark looking... so decided to stay home and rot... was kinda happy that my period is not here yet.... so went to take a nap in the afternooon...

woke up just a while ago at 4.30, and the sky was so brite and sunny!! so happy!! i hear the pool opposite my place calling unto me!! so i grabbed my goggles, and and swimming costume to the toilet to change... then horrors of horrors... my period came!! arghz!! i felt like there was a downpour la... sighz... so denied another chance to go slp and tan... sighz...

am i thinking too much about stuff!?

another day at east coast....

yupz, u saw it rite... another day spent at east coast... think its going to be my most frequent place this holidays!! hahaha... did another round of blading... but didn't really get much tan, the sun wasn't at its finest.... but well, it was a good day to slp by the beach... nice and windy....

tired from all the exercise that i've been getting these few days... but feel quite good.... now is to really try to quit smoking... hmmz... shouldn't be too hard... all i have to do is to stop buying!! whahaha...

maybe wat chow says is true... is she trying to get back at me for something that i've done to her!? does she hate me to do such things to me? or is she just unaware that i'm still hurting here..????

m i over-sensitive?

i m suppose to feel happy, after surviving 8 hours of tiring cycling around Singapore... more of the western and central sides of Singapore.... but i'm not... tired yes, but didn't really find it enjoyable... it was fun ant certain points of the journey.... but many of the places that we went to brought back memories... memories that i've been trying to suppress for the moment... things might have been different if we had taken the route that i had in mind... but wats done is done...

got 4 hours of slp... woke up cos i was dreaming of the two of them again... when will this ever stop?? i don't want to wake up eveytime wanting to cry.... am i just being over-sensitive? i just can't really stand the tot of them together... i know that sounds evil... but still.... it hurts big time for me...

am i trying too hard to convince myself that i'm happy cos she is now?! i am happy to a certain extend, but i dono.. its still hard to deal with... looking at her now... being so happy, really makes me wonder... if the relationship that we had for 9 months really existed.... or was i just living in a dream, a dream of my own.... a dream that i forced her to live too?? maybe, at the end of the day, i was really making her miserable.... to the point that she wants to forget everthing so soon... am i at fault?!

as much as its getting on my nerves... i don't think i really want to bother people about it.. i mean, wat more can they say than wat they have already said? i don't want to be come irritating too.... there is only so much of your problems that u can throw to them about.... they got their own set of problems too... y would they need yours too? i feel bad sometimes wanting to talk to them about it... think i have troubled them enuff with this...

y is it so hard to get over someone!?

a trip down to malaysia....

just came back from a trip into JB... went with lynn... finally got to watch MI3!! the show that the whole world watched but me!! whahaha... got to admit, the seats in the cinema were quite shitty, but as long as i get to watch the show for 5 bucks, its worth it!! whahaha... such a cheapo rite!? but tis a great way to save money... neway, i set my mind on buying levis jeans in malaysia le... saw this pair that i liked.... and its slightly cheaper too!! hahaha...

came home... my bro covered for me for my absence in church... hahaha.. times like these, its great to have a brother... well, treated him to the new game that i bought... FIFA street 2!! its quite a cool game, get to do those cool soccer moves that u see ppl like ronaldo do... i'm a pro soccer player, on screen that is!! :P

toking about church... its not that i don't believe in God.. just that so many things happened these years and noting can explain it... and i can't take the "everything is in his hands' answers.... i want something more 'solid' for me to understand and appriciate... sighz... but if only life's answers come so ezily....

its hard to get over someone....

where m i heading!?

just spend the day lazing around at home doing nothing of any meaning... game abit here and there... slpt abit...

chow came over, another tiff with denise... don't think i could give much advice... not the sort of person who dishes out advices.... but if anyone has a prob, i'm good at listening... and pampering ppl with good food! :P

sighz... was just wondering... where am i head for in life!? is my life even meaningful to say the least!? its like i'm so packed with stuff... but i still feel empty and a part of me still yearns for the impossible....

a day of sun, sand and sea

had a wonderful day yesterday! it was truely sun, sand and sea.... there was loads of sun to soak up, sand was getting everywhere and irritating me and we were close to the sea!! whahaha.... it was great at east coast yesterday.. had a great time blading for 2 hours up and down the streach of road... spent around an hour getting a tan.... and the rest of the hour drinking ice cool coconut juice at the lagoon! it was just a great day-period- hahaha... can't wait for next wed to come again.. then can go and tan again! i'm going to turn chao tar but the end of this holi!! yeah!! hahaha... oh yah, met xiuling and gang there too... hmmz, maybe should organise another one with then and then increase my chances of tanning!! whahaha... -evil smile-

we checked out the cable ski there, its quite ok, looks fun enuff to try... cost 45 for 2 hours on a weekday... hmmz, but then again, seeing ppl smacking their faces in the water at the start of the run didn't look quite impressive... can so imagine me as one of them there!! whahhaha :p we too checked out the blades at east coast.. chow is thinking of getting a pair... mayb i should too, then will have more reasons to go and blade... oh ya, the GM at the store is damn hot too... hmmz, mayb i should just get my blades from her... :P

kkz, going out le... another bz day...

anticipating the morrow....

can't wait for tml to come... going to blade and then tan with chow at east coast... mr sun better be out or else...

didn't do much today, spent most of it in front of the x box playing games that i have played tons of times... noting better to do mah.. :p think its the time of the year to go and get more games to play le!! whahaha... before clinicals start! ya... think will just game my holis away! whahaha... :P
did earn 66 bucks just now, sitting in front of the class giving them a quiz... quite ez money u would say... hahaha.. hope more of these comes along, then i can start clearing my debts and start buying more things for myself!! -rich tots-

didn't swim today either, mr sun went amissing... so guess today will just do strengthening ba... think i'm turning into a fitness freak!! which is good.... :P

reality vs imagination......

can someone teach me how not ot dream!? have not had a dreamless nite for a long long time... hate the feeling when i wake up feeling disappointed cos i know wat i dream will never happen... especially when i dream of her... and i have dreams of her every other day... i'm tired... its not tat i don't want to dream of her... but not now at least... don't want to have that shitty feeling when i wake up... can't get much slp these few days... sighz...

mayb i should consider pills...

forgive and forget....

spent the morning at the pool.... swam 22 laps today... it felt so light and good... aiming to swim 30 soon... and to run 2.4km and swim 15 laps at one go... maybe i can get this done in 2 weeks time!! hahahaha....

just came back from town not too long ago... kinda spend the whole afternoon there... hahaha, considering i don't have nothing to do, thats like the highlight of the day! hahahaha... went down with feran and we walked up and down town at least twice!! hahaha... we were that bored la... :P and we got showered with blessings from the sky half way on the way to PS... and we made it back to taka safely before it rained again... had a great time walking around and window shopping... well, did spend some money here and there... lets see, got an gelare ice cream cone, swimming goggles (finally, now can swim with eyes open) and a t-shirt! hahaha.. think that is more than enuff for this week le... :P

saw her at the station when i was leaving... she was with him... it felt really weird... i dono wat to say... just felt kinda shitty after that... it looked as if i didn't mean more than a friend to her... like we didn't have a past together... sighz... i was like the only awkward one there... sighz... i guess this will pass... forgive and forget ba.... guess its the best that i can do for her...

going to shower le... then enjoy CSI!! yeah!! i'm so bored these days that i went to borrow books to read... hahahaha...

maybe its time i really pen down my tots....

yes yes... i know, every time i try to blog, it ends up dead after sometime... well, u got to understand, thats me!! hahaha...
well, loads have happened so far... things that i can't understand, things of great fun, things that make me realise wat is really important in life...

its coming to the 2nd month that we broke up already... looking back, i really do treasure that 9 months together... it was just blissful... it was not really how i want things to end, but i guess, that i have no control over... i guess it really takes two to clap in a relationship... i mean, its not really all her fault, i'm to blame for certain things too... maybe i really am not able to give her wat she wants... but now, looing at how happy she really is, i guess, i'm happy too... its something that i have always wanted for her... to see her smile and look so cheerful, it makes me smile too.. it would be better if i was the one that she has a reason to smile about, but as long as she is smiling, i'm satisfied... think no matter wat, i still love her greatly... and i'll just be there for her, as friends, its as good as it gets... i still look at the pics and have this feeling of wanting to cry, but i guess life has to go on ya... and let those be the wonderful memories that we had together ba... think it will take sometime for me to really get this over....

oh ya... through out these few months, i've come to be realise how blessed i am with friends... a big big thank you to one and all out there who has been there for me! really appriciated it.. :) i guess all of u make the difference in my life! am glad to have everyone of u in my life... walking through this lifetime with me :)

sighz... its the holidays, and i'm bored.... anyone needs company, call me k!?