life aint tat bad afterall....

yupz... tats rite... life aint tat bad afterall here at moral therapy... i mean, i survived 4 weeks le... mid-way eval went quite well too... it was a good time for me to clear most of my doubts and learn more of how i could improve... despite not seeing my supervisor everyday and only twice a week, i got to say that she is quite a nurturing sup... learning alot from her...

yupz, i'm going to plan more for my clients now that i know that i'm given the green lite to do so.. can't wait to make this remaining two weeks more meaningful for them... its kinda sad to see the way they are being baby-sat there at the day activity centre.. i mean, there is so much more to be done for them.. hope wateva i do can make a small difference in thier time spent there...

going to start on touching up my crd and the report.. then gotta start to write the management report too...arghz... tons of work to do....

start of another week....

today will mark the start of week 4 of attachment... and i'm super unprepared....
going to have crd later but think i'm only like half done.... not really prepared... and then there's the mid-way eval too... sighz... wat a stressful monday...

mayb i should really start putting more effort into this placement... i feel like i'm just trying to get by with doing the minimal... and its getting on my nerves.... stop procastinating!!

if anyone sends me this... i will definately reply! think friends are the people that make me who i am today... and i treasure everyone.. every single one... i can't imagine a world without friends....

victim of the flu bug....

yes yes, i too got struck by the flu bug... sighz, was hoping that i could hold out till the weekend and then get all the rest that i can... but think the bug was floating around the DAC, so i just picked it up... no fun being sick, aching all over... and have to take mc today somemore, so tat means a day to make up... well, at least i'm quite ok there already... yah, starting to kinda enjoy myself there, although still struggling to think of activities to do for them... but they can be quite cute at times...

suppose to have the mid-way eval today, so guessed its pushed to mon then... i think thats wat makes this attachment so stressful, the want that i have to perform and somehow i don't think i'm measuring up to standard.... but then, somehow i always feel like tat when it comes to major stuff...whahaha... wat happened to my confidence that i had in sec sch man!? hmmz, mayb cos i grew older and became less idealistic... :P well, no matter wat, i'm going to pull through, and wateva i get, it will be... yupz, going to accept things as they come and make the best of it... think its the best way to live life for now ya...

to all those out there, jia you for the rest of the attachment ya! and do take care of ur health!!

dreamt of her last nite... that we were putting on a show for someone... we were holding hands and stuff, just so to convince that person... but the moment we left, we parted ways....

i guess... mayb somehow... it was meant to be le... that she was never prepared for a life with another gal... i kinda just happened to be there at the right time and place for her...

just want to stop dreaming of her... its been 3 months le...

a year ago....

was just thinking about it last nite... one year ago, she made me the happiest person alive... but where is she now? making another happy i guess....

and to think i tot i could make it last longer than a year.... well, lesson learnt, never plan too far ahead with people... they are unpredictable... don't get ur hope too high, u will end up falling from that height..

2weeks already... but wat have i learnt!?!?

these two weeks feel more like baby sitting than having an attachment... its like i'm going there to help look after the id clients... ya, i do plan groups, but its so difficult to carry it out... and i end up having to help two or three in the group hand in hand to get the task completed... think its no where near the groups that we conducted in school... so many variables to take note of....

its really tiring to plan a group, activity analysis really come in handy, cos there is so much up-grades and down-grades within the activity itself that u have to make use all at once to ensure that all the clients can do it... and its hard to convey my ideas to the therapist... sighz... i'm like kinda struggling at every session... how to present to jo when she comes like that!? and i still got to prepare for the session with BVEH... its like planning an active session for people who are not really motivated to play, and still got to make it interesting so that they will participate... but like wat my sup says, its hard for that group as they only have group sessions once a week, thats when we go down... other than that, they don't get much ot services... so guess they are like me, trying to warm up to new stuff......

but seriously, other than trying to perfect my groups, don't think i'm learning much as of yet... just hope i'm performing up to my sup's expectations... got my fingers crossed, can only hope for a B.... we shall see the mid-way eval next week then....

am tired... just wishing for a miracle to happen....

almost through the second week....

its past mid week le... thank goodness!! hahaha... its not too bad this week, getting along better with the clients, getting abit more patient with their nonsense.... which is good, cos they are quite full of it and can be really irritating at times... can u imagine, u having lunch peacefully in the office, trying to enjoy the quietness and time alone... then in comes one of them with a complain about the others in the class... arghz... can't even eat in peace there la!! sighz, but can't really blame them la... they are after all ID adults.... so sure to act like small kids... after all, don't we all do that sometimes too! :P hahaha.....

got loads of work to do... but i'm procastinating... just don't really feel like doing, feel kinda sian already, and its only the second week... helpz...

someone teach me how to implement CBT!! now i wish i understood wat june wong was teaching... cos the book is kinda chiem, the examples that they give were like... HUH?!?! well, hope i can pull through this clinicals man.... GOD SAVE THE OT STUDENT!!

i just kinda decided... maybe now is a good time for me to be the loner i once was... to just keep things to myself and not bother anyone.... i'm kinda tired of everything now... just want to keep to myself and mind my own business... mayb the wound will heal faster...

just to drown myself in work... and let nature takes it course... whether i come out alive and stronger, tat will just have to wait and see...

just tired....

the end of the first week....

YEAH!!! survived the first week without much trouble.... well, slightly disappointed but otherwise its been ok so far....

had a group today with the id clients.... but somehow, things didn't really go as i planned.... and i did plan k!! all the thoughts for activity analysis and such.... but this just go to show how unpredictable humans can be... well, shall try harder the next time round ba...

although this is the first week only, i'm quite stressed already... loads to do, and read!! regret not paying attention to june wong's behavioural mod classes... its back to huant me again! got to go read up on CBT again... and group too!! sighz... y is it that all these classes had to be so boring in school!! and suppose to do a write up on the group dynamics of the clients at the day activity center... sighz.. more work to do le...

look forward to this weekend, will be a good break for me to breathe and to try to catch up on things... feel like so lost in the placement la... have to really work harder now man... CE 3 is no fun!! hahaha... mayb just a little bias in that comment... :P

think i'm abit emo this week... sighz...

came across this old old song in my player on the way to work... how true...

Fool Again

Baby,

I know the story,

I've seen the picture

It's written all over your face

Tell me,

What's the secret,

That you've been hiding

And who's gonna take my place

I should have seen it coming,

I've read the signs

anyway...

i guess its over.

Can't believe that I'm the fool again,

I thought this love would never end

How was I to know?

You never told me,

Can't believe that I'm the fool again

And I thought you were my friend,

How was I to know?

You never told me.

Baby,

You should have called me

When you were lonely

When you needed me to be there

Sadly,

You never gave me

Too many chances

To show you how much I care

I should have seen it coming

I should've read the signs

Anyway...

I guess it's over

Can't believe that I'm the fool again,
I thought this love would never end
How was I to know?
You never told me,
Can't believe that I'm the fool again
And I thought you were my friend,
How was I to know?

You never told me.

About the pain and the tears,

oh oh oh,

If I could I would,

Turn back the time

Ooh yeahI should've seen it coming
I should've read the signs
Anyway...
I guess it's over

Can't believe that I'm the fool again,

I thought this love would never end

How was I to know?

You never told me,

Can't believe that I'm the fool again

And I thought you were my friend,

How was I to know?

You never told me.

but somehow, i dont think i wanna turn back the clock... not that i don't want to have another chance.. but rather, its possible that it will happened again.. and i don't think i can take another blow as heavy as this.... it hit me so hard and unexpected that i'm still trying hard to stand on my feet... hope this does not happen in the next one to come... which will have to wait some time :P

wat a day....

wat a day really...

started with waking up to go work at 9am... not to bad... just not really used to waking up so early... hahaha... as i was walking down to the bus stop.. just realised tat it was just last attachment that i would msg her every morning on the way to nuh... its great waking up to someone and having them by you side... in another 12 days time... it would have been one year... sighz... well, all good things don't really last... :P i still do miss her i guess....

spent the whole morning all the way till 3 pm in the office waiting for my sup to show up.. sighz... did nothing but read and read all the books that they have there... and then when she got here, we made our way down to chai chee... took us like an hour la... when all the way there just to look see the place... -faints- think i spent a bomb on transport today cos i didn't want to get the pass till i confirm my travel plans... seems like its going to be loads of buses for me this time round...

going to be travelling between chai chee, bright hill hospital and society for the aged sick this time... oh ya, going back to the office at amk on thursday too.. loads of travelling.... sighz...

think this is going to be a tough attachment... loads of expectations with little experience... well, will do wat i can and see wat he up there can do about it ba... :P

got stuck in a two hour jam on the way back from chai chee just now.. wat a start to the attachments....

another milestone in life.... my life....

yupz.. tml marks the start of another exciting and unpredictable chapter of my life as an OT student... its starts of clinicals 3a... it also marks the start of my final year as a student in this cos... its filled with much expectations and hopes... both of my own and others too... i look forward to this time to challenge myself to better this 2 sems ahead of me... to be able to look back in a year and say that i'm proud of myself is something i hope to gain from this final year...
i anticipate that there will be loads of stress and anxiety... but hey, i guess its wat makes life more interesting and adds color in it... just hope that i will not get too caught up and stressed over it...

i'm kinda excited about tml.. dono wat to expect.. but going with an open mind.. things will be beta that way.. i wanna shine in this clinicals too!! going to give everything my best shot and hope things turn out well...

for those reading... all the best for ur clinicals too ya! if u meet any difficulties.. u know who to call... not me!! whahaha... :P will try to lend a hand if u need help ya... :) jia you OT0401~!!

two very long nites.....

tink i'm super tired from these two nitez... but it was all worth it! great fun in blowing these two nitez away!! can't believe that the holis are coming to an end already.... i want more of these late nitez!! whahaha.... next sem i guess.... :P

well, the first nite was our one sem once clubbing trip... wanted to try out butter factory, but plan was spolit by a bash held there... so it was ' back to the phuture' for us... wasn't so bad... but then the music wasn't really nice at the start... and it was kinda hard to get people grooving especially when we are all super sober! hahaha... its like my first clubbing experience without any booze.... not too bad, but then u will just happen to be super aware of your surroundings... not really a pretty sight... especially when u see all the despo ns guys trying way too hard to get gals... it was just quite gross la... the things guys resort to do to get the gals... but then the gals were also kinda throwing themselves at guys with drinks la... sighz... we were enjoying the music later that nite, but then the place got super packed around 1 plus... and we were super turned off by the guys that were surrounding us... so we decided to call it quits and left the place at around 2... another first for me! whahah, usually i wouldn't be out of there until they turn on the lights and chase us out... :P

we went for bak kut teh after that!! whahaha.. it was interesting to see the 5 of us eating bak kut teh at that time of the nite... it was nice, but still not as good as the one at thiong bahru... must go back there one day... -urge- as after filling our tummys, we all found our way back to chun's to spent the morning.... left her place at around 2....

the very same day... (somehow, the day seems super long.. :p) i climbed out of bed at 5 pm and started making phone calls to get people to go nite cycling with us that nite... we ended up with 6 people, me chun pam rx waiyin and char... it was fun la... who will think that two wheels and our legs will be able ot bring us so far... we started from east coast, when to west coast, down to bukit timah, then through town, kallang and then back to east coast... it was super fun la... super tiring but still fun... :P hmmz, think i should try to get more trips done in the future... and plan to go places like NTU from east coast maybe!! whahaha... that will be like cycling the whole of singapore already...

thighs aching like crazy now, but it was all worth it! all the fats burnt.... :P

going to have trouble tuning back the bio clock man.. lets hope i can do it in two days.... wondering wat will happen during this placement... filled with excitement and fear... -fingers corssed-